Monday, November 10, 2008

Raiders Fan Protest Haiku Fest

Saints fans wore their brown papers bags, Lions fans conducted their Millen Man March, and now I think it’s high time that the Raider Nation staged its own act of creative civil disobedience—the Raiders Fan Protest Haiku Fest.

Two weeks ago,
I made my case about the state of the Oakland Raiders. Beyond that, I’m really at a loss for analytical words. I’ve exhausted every superlative to describe the downward spiral that now has us on the verge of making NFL history for most consecutive seasons with 11 or more losses.

Since the Raiders have become pathetic to the point of being poetic, however, I figured it might be therapeutic for us confront our inner angst and express our feelings through the ancient art form of haiku.

As many of you know, Raider Take has been the world headquarters for Raiders haiku since 2005, so I expect a good turnout. Allow me to kick things off…

SALARY CAP HELL

Al broke his piggy
bank, Hall went to ‘Skins, Javon
to Vegas; now what?

THE GHOST OF TOM WALSH

Today I saw a
ghost, Walter sacked, fumbles, here
comes Tui, hooray!

SENTIMENTAL JOURNEY

Bring back the good old
days—Norv and Kerry racking
up five victories!


P.S. Click
here for a crash course in haiku, but also know that limericks, sonnets and other forms of creative expression are also welcome.

43 Comments:

Anonymous blackbagonia said...

Symptom or the Cause Haiku:

Collins is doing
awesome in DC, as is
Norv in Sunny D.

10:32 AM  
Anonymous blackbagonia said...

Victim or the Crime Haiku:

As I support my
team I wonder if I'm the
victim or the crime.

10:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The sad raider fan Haiuku:

What's more pathetic,
the way the Raiders play foot
ball, or that we care?

Right before my eyes Haiku:

I watched Collins beat
Chicago Bears through the air,
statue came to life

Help wanted Haiku:

Old coach needs a job
young coach needs a break, who will
be the next victim

Wimpering Lion Haiku:

A losing culture
has developed, like Lions,
can it ever change?

Hope Haiku:

New GM, major
changes, new path and vision
could turn things around

Thanks, RT, I feel much better now.

JF

11:42 AM  
Anonymous Raider Nate 75 said...

You know I'm game for this. Here are my contributions.

The Good Ol' Days Haiku:
Another year of
Reliving the glory days
Not moving forward

6 Seasons of Woe Haiku:
Unbearably bad
Ineffective play-calling
Spinning wheels in mud

Treading Water Haiku:
"Captain, we're sinking!"
"Nonsense" says Captain Davis
"Keep the current course."

Grocery Bag Haiku:
Some say, "Wear a bag
To save from embarrassment"
Paper or plastic?

Actions Speak Louder Haiku:
Did I miss something?
Where is this talented team
I keep hearing of?

Talent or Coaching Haiku:
Is it the players?
Or is it the game planning?
Both reflect owner

12:33 PM  
Blogger Raider Take said...

Paper or plastic!? Classic.

12:39 PM  
Anonymous Save the Raiders said...

Save the Raiders haiku:

How bad has it been
These past six years in Oakland?
Millen laughs at us

1:08 PM  
Anonymous Raider Nate 75 said...

Sick of it All Haiku:
Fans are disguted
With the organization
Only Al to blame

Guarantee Haiku:
One thing is for sure
A new motto is needed
"Just step away, Al"

1:32 PM  
Anonymous Derick L said...

View from Above Haiku:

Rotten to the core
Al watches from behind glass
The hell he has made

1:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My team stinks of death
No way to stop the bleeding
Hey, still in third place;)

1:38 PM  
Anonymous Raider Nate 75 said...

These are inspired by the message of the President-elect.

Change We Can Believe In Haiku:
Hire a GM,
A NFL proven coach,
And leave them alone

Yes We Can Haiku:
Look at the doubters
Who kick us while we are down
Can we overcome?

1:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How bad are we Haiku:

Patriots win with
back up QB, number 3
RB, why can't we!

JF

2:04 PM  
Anonymous Arkansan Raider said...

Not a haiku, but an off-topic post, if I may:

Happy 233rd birthday, USMC!

Semper Fi, ladies and gentlemen.

Goodnight, Chesty, wherever you are.

---Jeff

2:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A series of related Haiku...

Much to criticize
Little worth cheering about
Where is Pride and Poise?

Awaiting the day
Commitment to Excellence means
Something once again

The Raiders are still
My favorite team despite
The current bleakness

Storminator

3:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here I sit broken hearted
came to shit and only farted.

that sums the raiders for me these last few years

ekgraider

3:02 PM  
Anonymous raider00 said...

Better be quick,
to stand and shout.
There goes our offense,
three and out.

3:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Depression on the east coast Haiku:

Here in NY I try to fugetaboudit
My once glorious Raiders
Six years of mere dog shit




RaiderMike

3:46 PM  
Blogger Calico Jack said...

Yearning to Raise My Arms in the first half, Haiku:

Do you remember
First half versus the Chargers
A touchdown by Miller

8:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

THE FIRED COACH HAIKU

YOU FIRE COACH LANE.
SHOULD OF TRADED HIM FOR DRAFT PICKS.
YOU ARE SO SMART.

SCALR8R

9:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

PREHISTORIC AL DAVIS RHETORIC PROPAGANDA HAIKU

COMMITMENT TO EXCELLENCE-WHERE'S THE COMMITMENT.
JUST WIN BABY-WHAT WINS.
PRIDE AND POISE-WHAT FRICKON PRIDE. WE WILL WIN-WHEN?


SCALR8R

10:26 PM  
Anonymous Raider Nate 75 said...

7 Points Per Game Haiku:
Thirty-five points is
An amazing feat for a
Team with no offense

Where's the Beef? Haiku:
Our Offensive Line's
Pass Blocking skills is like crap
It splatters when hit

Run-Run-Run Haiku:
We have no answers
For our opponents run game
Defense tackles air

5:53 AM  
Anonymous Arkansan Raider said...

Happy Veterans' Day, all!

I saw a great bumper sticker quote:

"If you can read, thank a teacher.

If you can read in English, thank a veteran."

---Jeff

9:22 AM  
Anonymous Raider Nate 75 said...

The Crying Game Haiku:
Team of the Decades
Their fans believed their greatness
Greatness has rusted.

5:42 AM  
Anonymous AllyOop said...

A couple of contributions from me...

NO JOY IN OAKTOWN

The cheerleaders pause
In the midst of a routine
Depression sinks in

WHERE ARE THE LIFE RAFTS?

Taking on water
The ship awaits her demise
While the captain naps

A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE

His arm's a weapon
His size intimidates foes
Yet we squander him

6:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Look we have 5 players that other teams would want (not in any particular order).
1. Lechler
2. Mcfadden
3. Asomugha
4. Zach Miller
5. Janikowski.

5 players on a 53 man roster. Do you know what that breaks down to?

90% of our team BLOWS!!!!

8:48 AM  
Anonymous Raider Nate 75 said...

Anonymous said:
"Look we have 5 players that other teams would want (not in any particular order).
1. Lechler
2. Mcfadden
3. Asomugha
4. Zach Miller
5. Janikowski.

5 players on a 53 man roster. Do you know what that breaks down to?

90% of our team BLOWS!!!!"

I disagree, there are more than 5 players on our squad that other teams would want. You need to include:
1. Kirk Morrison
2. Thomas Howard
3. Gibril Wilson
4. JaMarcus Russell
5. Michael Bush
6. Derrick Burgess
7. Stanford Routt
8. Cooper Carlisle
9. Cornell Green
10. Ronald Curry
11. Fred Wakefield
12. Chaz Schilens

Added to you total, that equates to 17 out of 53 which equates to 32% of our team, meaning that 68% is sub-par. Even that is debatable. Because out of the 68%, there are some that would make great backups; and there are some that wouldn't make a roster anywhere else. This is where a good GM and scouting come in.
Our mistakes equates to not having a solid GM and scouting team.

10:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

darkness decended
more than 70 moons ago
return to glory

2:53 PM  
Blogger Calico Jack said...

Core Players including some nonstarters: (19)

Nnamdi Asomugha CB
Derrick Burgess DE
Michael Bush RB
Cooper Carlisle G
Justin Fargas RB
Robert Gallery G
Thomas Howard LB
SeaBass K
Chris Johnson CB
Tommy Kelly DE
Shane Lechler P
Darren McFadden RB
Zach Miller TE
Kirk Morrison LB
Jay Richardson DE
Stanford Routt CB
JaMarcus RussellQB
Gerard Warren DT
Gibril Wilson S

Backups and Special Teams: (19)
Jon Alston LB
Rashad Baker DB
Branch S/ST
Ricky Brown LB
Jon Condo LS
Ronald Curry WR *
Kalimba Edwards DE
Isaiah Ekejiuba LB
Hiram Eugene FS
Jake Grove C
Kwame Harris T *
Mario Henderson T
J.L. Higgins WR
Luke Lawton FB
Chris Morris C
Terdell Sands DT *
Trevor Scott DE
Andrew Walter QB
Todd Watkins WR
* Denotes: Restructured contract or cut

High Profile Cuts:
Michael Huff SS
Ashlie Lelie WR
JaVon Walker WR

It is very difficult to turnover 2/3 of your roster in 1 season.

As I see it, we have immediate needs at the following positions:

LT, RT, C, WR1, WR2
SLB, DT, DE

Between Baker, Branch, Eugene, and Johnson, I think 1 or 2 could emerge as potential starters at CB or S.

7:10 PM  
Anonymous raider00 said...

as i see it, the raiders need to address the offensive , and defensive tackle problem's this off season.
this is for obvious reasons.

we need the D-tackles to stop the run.
and the 0-tackles to keep the qb alive, and improve the running attack.

8:11 PM  
Blogger Tim Mo said...

Confusion

What is this team I see?
Is it really the RAIDERS?
No, it just can't be.

Victory Coat

I bought a Raiders
coat, I wear it when they win
Isn't worn that much

8:12 PM  
Anonymous Raider Nate 75 said...

A simple solution at linebacker would be to pursue Mike Peterson of Jacksonville.
I know he plays Middle Linebacker, but Morrison could move to the outside, where he'd be a better fit anyway.
CJ had a list of core players and backups/cuts. I agree with the majority of it. I think we should restructure Tommy Kelly's ridiculous contract though, he hasn't done poo. And I agree, he is no DT; he gets man-handled way too much to be DT, and should be a backup. I think Terdell Sands should be cut.
Here are my "significant cuts":
Terdell Sands
Javon Walker
Michael Huff (should be traded to Jacksonville for Peterson)
Johnnie Lee Higgins
Sam Williams

Regarding the Key positions, here is a list of how I'd pursue it, if I were GM:
WR-#1 TJ Houshmandzadeh (Use Walker's money to bring him to Oak-town).
#2 Chaz Schilens
#3 Ronald Curry
#4 Drew Carter-until he proves he can stay healthy, then move him to #3.
#5 Arman Shields-until he proves he can stay healthy, then he can challenge Chaz for the #2 spot.

RT-Mark Tauscher (GB), will be a free agent that can be picked up at a reasonable price. Cornell Green and Paul McQuiz can back up.
LT-Not sure what we can do here. Kwame Harris is not the answer, but he has helped us forget about Sims. there are a lot of players listed as "Cut" on the NFL site, but probably the majority of those are injured. Anthony Davis of Tampa is a Free Agent we could get cheap, but he's not a starter either.
DT-I know Albert Haynesworth is the big free agent this year; but I don't think we get him. Tank Johnson is a Free Agent, but he hasn't done anything since he left the Bears; but may be worth it for the $$.
C-This is the other area I think we should spend good $$ on. Center is the captain of the O-Line, and we should make a run at Matt Birk (Minnesota). I'm still not sold on Grove.

6:25 AM  
Anonymous Raider Nate 75 said...

I'm not a Doctor, Damnit! Haiku:
Can it be repaired?
There's a lot of holes to fill
It doesn't look good.

6:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

should have let him leave
twenty million for two bums
cut javon's ass now

-moshbucket


PS:
Tommy Kelly Stays
Someone has to buy the beer
Lost our deposit

8:53 AM  
Blogger Raider Take said...

Think about what $20 million could do to improve the gameday experience, more port-a-potties, revamped concessions, cool giveaways, etc.

$20 million breaks down to $500 per season ticket holder, assuming approximately 40k season ticket holders. Personally, instead of Walker and Hall, I would have preferred a rebate based on the absence of NFL-level football for my NFL season ticket package.

9:13 AM  
Anonymous Raider Nate 75 said...

The talent Big Al opened the wallet for this offseason sure has paid off hasn't it? Haiku:

Two players broke bank
$8 and $18 million made
Done after 8 games

9:32 AM  
Anonymous tinfoil said...

Anybody notice how our last winning head coach is doing this year?

That would be Bill Callahan, Offensive Coordinator of the kick butt, 7-3 NY Jets.

I never thought he got enough credit for that 2002 team.

That 2002 team ended up with no tight-ends, no kick or punt returners, no defensive ends, cornerbacks that nobody ever heard of (Clarence Love ring any bells) and was steller on both sides of the ball.

His 2003 team was destroyed by injuries. We lost, what, 5 QB's to IR: Gannon, Tui, Mirer, Rob Johnson and finally Tee Martin.

Davis needs to develop patience with his coaches and let them build a team.

Davis' mantra is that coaches don't matter, players do.

What I know is this: Bill Parcells would have this current Raiders team to at least 6-10 this year and in the hunt by 2009.

No leadership at the top of the team.

No GM.

No H O P E.

We're screwed.

12:15 PM  
Anonymous gary said...

Holy crap Tinfoil... you are one of the few Raider fans I have ever seen to give Callahan any props. I agree.. he had that team juiced on both sides of the ball... and even though he somewhat deserved to be fired because his ego got in the way and completely lost control of the locker room... his firing is what instigated the coaching carousel that is still no where to be fixed.

Nobody besides Al fires a coach the year after a SB.

It was crazy.

Funny thing is most Raider fans HATED him and couldn't wait to see him go. Go figure?

9:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

black,night,thunderclouds rainy day
silver, streaking, hoping.lining.
black and blue the new mood.

11:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

silver and black the colors that were. winners now losers,
black and blue here to stay.

11:11 AM  
Blogger nyraider said...

New player haiku:

where do we turn now
what free agents do we sign
and which top draft pick

New coach haiku:

forget the players
we need a top level coach
but what will we get

Raiders Haiku:

bad to worse again
Raiders sink even lower
no end in sight Al

8:32 AM  
Anonymous raider00 said...

change coaches, no use.
change players, no use.
change culture, no use.
change owner,let's try.

10:16 AM  
Anonymous Oxner2010 said...

Someone please tell me why Kwame Harris is still playing at left tackle???? He has the most false starts of any lineman and given up the most sacks! Mario Henderson, who is his backup, started AT Arrowhead and gave up no sacks and had no penalties.... Another example of the thought process of the Silver and Black unfortunately.

11:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

An Era Long Gone Haiku-
Commitment To Excellence-
A dusty remnant of a distant past
Reduced to a punch line
New records for futility
Set every week now
-RaiderFateful2KX

7:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, yeah- one more thing. Kwame (LAME)Harris is GARBAGE!!!! Brokeback Whiner fans ARE STILL LAUGHING!!!!
-RaiderFateful2KX

7:38 AM  

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