Thursday, November 29, 2007

Broncos Pregame Haiku Fest

THE LUCK STOPS HERE

Mike got lucky with
his timeout, but now his time’s
run out—Raiders win!

KIFFIN'S JOY RIDE

Ghostrider’s got an
eye patch, gonna ride free and
bust some Donkey chops


FAMILY MAN

Seen ever, have you,
Charlie and Mike in the same
place? Coincidence?

67 Comments:

Blogger BlandaRocked said...

Feeling artistic today, Take?

9:07 AM  
Blogger Raider Take said...

The art of haiku
and that of war will make glue
of the hated horse.

9:12 AM  
Anonymous Holy Roller said...

Dante's Inferno
Mile High will become like Hell
Abandon all hope

9:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wrote a haiku at the end of the last Take and didn't even know it:

Man, I hate Denver
I hate all things cold but beer
Except Coors beer sucks

Psycho

9:21 AM  
Blogger BlandaRocked said...

JaMarcus Russell
traces of a new dawn
the donkey hides

9:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No defense up there
Cutler is an idiot
This is where it ends

Psycho

9:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I met this girl in
A Denver bar she named her
Thingy Shanahan

Psycho

9:36 AM  
Blogger BlandaRocked said...

Psycho:

Haiku, not lymerics.

"The was a young lady from Denver..."

9:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Crude but effective, blanda. Denver doesn't deserve well-written poetry.

Psycho

9:54 AM  
Blogger BlandaRocked said...

I'm not a big Ann Killion fan, but this is a hell of good article.

http://www.mercurynews.com/raiders/ci_7587972?nclick_check=1

10:30 AM  
Anonymous Raider Nate 75 said...

Oakland Butcher Shop Haiku

On the Barbeque
Is a slab of Donkey meat
Cooked by the Raiders

Tasty Donkey meat
It's been a long time coming
Should we make jerky?

Do you want a bite?
Donkey meat is savory
How can you resist?

10:38 AM  
Anonymous Raider Nate 75 said...

Rumor Haiku

Will Kiffin ride hog?
Or stay with Oakland Raiders?
I hope the latter.

10:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bama7
Haiku challenged
this I am
up donky heiny the pigskin will ram

F-it, I give up.

I thought this article says it all about evaluating O-lineman. As I've said, you've rarely heard of other teams O-linemen unless the team is winning (or losing badly!). Read about the Dolts RT... now that Shotty is gone and they're not clicking together, guys like this are suddenly "not good anymore". Re-think Gallery while reading this...
http://www.signonsandiego.com/uniontrib/20071129/news_1s29chnotes.html

10:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Take has his swagger
back, fans feeling confident
What about Raiders?

JF

I guess we will see if last week was for real. I hope the Raiders get hyped for this one.

10:53 AM  
Anonymous memdf said...

Don't laugh. Charlie is a Raiders fan. I had a buddy in the joint with him and he always reminded me of that......

11:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Among the Hall of Fame semi-finalists, once again:

Stabler
Ray Guy
Lester Hayes
Psycho (see what I did there?)

11:28 AM  
Anonymous Holy Roller said...

Psycho

Your haiku made me laugh out loud. Funny.

12:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holy, give credit to Denver for inspiring me. It's funny because it's true.
Psycho

12:28 PM  
Blogger nyraider said...

RT- classic! The resemblance is scary.

Has anybody seen this man? He goes by the alias, ShanaRat? He is a convict who led the "Donkey Family," a quasi-commune football team that began play in 1960 as a charter member of the American Football League and joined the NFL as part of the AFL-NFL Merger. He was found guilty of conspiracy to commit late-game field goal theft, which members of his hired officiating crew carried out at his instruction. Through the joint-responsibility rule of conspiracy, ShanaRat and his officiating crew should be convicted of said theft.

ShanaRat is forever associated with "Donkey Skelter," an imagined putrid orange cataclysm that he convinced his followers was impending and that the crimes were intended to precipitate. This conception's connection with bad disco music linked him, from the beginning of his notoriety, with an undergound culture, in which he has become a symbol of transgression, rebelliousness, evilness, ghoulishness, bloody violence, homicidal psychosis, and the macabre.

If seen, please call the game warden.

5:08 PM  
Anonymous Raider Nate 75 said...

Donkey Skelter? NYRaider, that is hilarious, my friend.

5:14 PM  
Blogger Calico Jack said...

An Ode to ShanaRat:

What we do Sunday
Kick in two big incisors
Call your dentist, Mike

6:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

mathematical
elimination will not
occur at mile high.

Yea, that was dry and lame.

Bama7, just change hiniey to @ss, move some sylables from line three to line two, and your GOLDEN!

7:10 PM  
Anonymous raider00 said...

A Ratface
He hates us
We must fight hard.

9:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"miss kiffy" IS GONE ! I have it from an excellent source that "elaine kiffy" will be back in the college ranks come next year, good riddence eh faida fanatics....the genius big al (MR.) davis has decided that "kiffy" doesn't have what it takes to be a black and blue faida !!!!! After he finishes 3-13,(with 2 wins coming from opponent blown coaching) he (mr. genius) feels that the faidas are actually 1-15....and that won't make the faidas rehire list! Just say Bye bye baby.....defend the "nation"

10:01 PM  
Anonymous Holy Roller said...

Ok, I feel stupid. I literally woke up in the middle of the night and said, "Crap, the game is in Oakland. My haiku is all wrong". Let me try again.

Dante's Inferno
Oakland will become like hell
Abandon all hope

There, I feel better.

6:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice to see our former starters in good spirits. Here is a funny locker room conversation with McCown being interviewed about his dislocated pinky (bone sticking through skin) catching a pass from Walter:
*********************
McCown: "I wouldn't have got hurt if it was a spiral."

Walter: "That was the best pass I've thrown all year."

McCown: "It probably was."

McCown then proceeded with a conspiracy theory, jokingly accusing Walter of trying to take out the quarterbacks ahead of him on the depth chart.

He compared Walter's throw to the magic bullet of JFK conspiracy fame.

"Off Daunte's quad, off my pinkie, right into JaMarcus' eye," McCown said. "That was the plan."
****************

Psycho

7:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Both the Raiders and Donkos have good running games and horrible run defense. This is going to be a quick game with the clock always running. Better strike fast. Hopefully Porter is on Champ again and does what he always does. One more reason to throw in JaMarcus; we'll be able to run effectively.

Psycho

7:16 AM  
Blogger BlandaRocked said...

Craig Parker (author of Football's Blackest Hole) has a great article up. He points out something historical. We all know that Fargas' 100 + yard game was the first by a Raider in 29 years.

How many other Raider HCs have won their first trip to the Neanderthal Red Zone (KC)? Not Rauch, not Madden, not Flores, not Shanarat, not Shell, not White, not Bugel, not Gruden, not Callahan, not Turner. Only one other - That Senile Old Man!

8:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chip off the old block. Maybe one day he'll be the owner! Hopefully Madden has a grandkid who is interested in coaching. Hopefully we get Chris Long. And hopefully there is a Center out there in the mold of Otto. Deja vu, man.

Psycho

8:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For all of our bad luck, we've also gotten some good luck lately for once.

We missed out on A.Peterson, L.Johnson, and a Herm Edwards non-kick.

Now there is a chance we miss Favre, which I never thoght would be possible. Could the toughest man in the NFL actually miss his first start in 169 years? I doubt it. But he won't be 100%.

Honestly I'd rather face a hurting Favre than a healthy A.Rogers anyway. That guy is good.

Psycho

9:37 AM  
Anonymous H said...

Late to the party. Not waxing very poetic lately.

One thing I don't understand. How does a rumor about Kiffin distract players who want to beat the crap out of a herd of sterile mules and hang their skins on the front of the Black Hole?

The experts are saying the donks will win because the Raiders are distracted.

In all honesty, a loss by Denver might put Shanarat on the hot seat. It would show the Raiders are on the rise and the Mules may be riding off into the sunset.

A home win Sunday and the Packers hurting. You just never know.

H

9:50 AM  
Blogger BlandaRocked said...

H, I hear ya talkin'. I've never approved of 8-8 or 7-9 teams in the playoffs, but it could happen that I'd get up a taste for it.

9:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

SD only has 6 wins and little confidence, talking to their fans out here. They're actually worried about KC this week.

It's not too far-fetched to think we can't use this win as a spark that gets us into the playoffs. We'd have to play complete games like Sunday or better from here on out though and hope for some more luck. We could actually lose to the Colts, go 7-9 and win our division...amazing.

Or, we eat some more losses and draft Chris Long. It's Win/Win!

Psycho

10:29 AM  
Blogger RaiderCat said...

To our House Of Thrills
In wanders the dazed Broncos
To stand in crosshairs.

10:40 AM  
Anonymous Raider Nate 75 said...

Psycho, I've long held the stance that Kiffin, Jackson, and Trask will have the opportunity to buy out the Raiders from Al Davis; but Davis wants to ride off into the sunset with his guns blazing. I think Kiffin, right now, is the best coach to get him to that point, and he knows it.
I will have my feelings confirmed, if Kiffin is offered a high college coaching position within the next 3 years, and he turns it down.
If Kiffin doesn't work out, maybe Davis sells it to the fans.

10:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jano's Wild Ride:

So close, sixty-four
Next time the record will fall
As will the donkey's.

10:57 AM  
Blogger BlandaRocked said...

Nate, you might be right. Davis seems to imply that his son will take over the team, but I know nothing of his son what-so-ever. I don't know of a football decision his son has ever made.

Maybe Davis' son has been running things for the last 20 years? What would Bama7 say about that?

10:58 AM  
Blogger BlandaRocked said...

However, Nate, Kiffin pretty much blew off Arkansas yesterday. And Arkansas is a pretty major football program. Reporters have been trying to say that Kiffin will take the job because of "his ties" with the school, meaning that his father was the coach there 29 years ago - Kiffin was three years old at the time. That's like saying that I'm from Texas because my father worked there from the time I was 1 until I was 2.

11:05 AM  
Blogger Raider Take said...

I love how the local media are playing this.

They admit that "so far, none of the reports has quoted a named source or provided any credible information."

Nevertheless, they pester Kiffin about it for two days in a row, and then write stories about how he was pestered and what he said, and act like they're just passive observers when, in fact, they are the perpetrators.

Remember, these are the same folks who'll tell you that bloggers are eroding traditional journalistic standards.

12:08 PM  
Anonymous H said...

Hey guys, there's a local rumor that Tommy Tubberville has already accepted the Arkansas job.

I think that's bogus, but wanted to post it so you could see just how idiotic this whole process is. Each one guesses someone different from the last. Then the one who guessed the hired coach can say "I told you so." Even though he didn't have a clue.

H

12:50 PM  
Blogger BlandaRocked said...

But we don't stop there, H. If Tubberville, or some else, gets the job, the local press will have to start asking, "well, then, what college job does Kiffin want?"

Either that or they'll report that Kiffin wants out desperately, but Davis is hanging his career over his head. We're just getting started here. So many rumors to start, so little time.

1:05 PM  
Anonymous raider00 said...

hey, remember those off season rumors of the raiders trading moss to the packers for aaron rodgers ?

rogers looked pretty good in the game last night. and all we got was a track guy with the 4th rounder for moss.

maybe the moss for rodgers trade was never real. and maybe jruss will make us forget all other qb's anyway, but, just a thought.

1:44 PM  
Blogger BlandaRocked said...

Here's something for the old timers. And here's hoping the Raiders get the monkey off their backs and we see some modern players in these videos.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMijyWI6wZo

1:50 PM  
Anonymous raider00 said...

in retrospect, in would have been smarter to go after aaron rodgers, if he really was available, and forget about the mccown, williams deal.

it would have left us with jruss, rodgers, and walter, at the qb position, and never would have had to even sign culpepper.

3:08 PM  
Blogger BlandaRocked said...

My understanding is they wanted Culpepper originally, but Miami still had him under contract and they wanted too much. We tried to negotiate a Rogers for Moss deal (which is what Farve wanted) but we couldn't get GB to do the deal (they wanted to keep Rogers because they figured this would be Farve's last season). So we got McCown. Then Culpepper slipped out of his contract, so we signed him. The reason we wanted Culpepper to begin with is that he is the most physically like Russell, and plays a similar game. It was believed that Culpepper could be the best mentor for Russell.

It all made sense to me at the time. It still does.

4:22 PM  
Blogger BlandaRocked said...

What did I tell you?!!!

The three biggest Al haters in the local media are, in this order, Ira Miller, Nancy Gay, and Tim Kawakami. It looks like Nancy Gay may have been banished from the Raider facilities by the Chron itself. Kawakami is only good for an occasional drive by. But Ira, well, he's still feeding on a 45 year old grudge. They don't allow him anywhere near Raiders headquarters, but he always now precisely what's going on. It's all Al's fault! Except, of course, when they're successful. Then it's the coach's doing, even though the coach is looking for anyway possible to escape "The Senile Old Man!"

Miller, you are as f'ing predictable as the moon!

http://www.cctextra.com/blogs/iramiller/2007/11/its_understandable_why_kiffin.html

4:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I remember an Al Davis press conference about last year, maybe the year before.

Ira Miller asked a question and instead of answering, Al started making small talk. Ira said he was retiring. Al congratulated him and called him "The Great Ira Miller". They seemed to be friends at the time.

I guess I don't really pay attention to Ira's articles because I had no idea he was a hater. I guess he didn't retire afterall, whatever.

Psycho

4:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tubby's trying to get facilities, etc. added at Auburn. If he can't he might bolt.

If they fire him, they're STUPID>

4:54 PM  
Anonymous Raider Nate 75 said...

A Daredevil Haiku:

A motorcycle
Flies into heaven's gate with
Evel Kinevel

Blanda, I don't think Arkansas is a "power house football program." I think they can be with the right personnel; and I thought Huston Nutt was taking them there. If Tuberville did take the job there, next Kiffin will be the fore runner for the Michigan, Nebraska, or Duke football programs.
RT, of course the mediots are going to overplay these rumors; this "coaching carosel" is all we've known, and they think "another losing season equals another coach lost."
Playing "devil's advocate" here: if Kiffin does leave after this season, I hope we get Norm Chow to be our Head Coach.

4:54 PM  
Blogger BlandaRocked said...

I think Ira is semi-retired. Several years ago, around the time that Davis hired Gruden, Ira was going off on what a horrible selection that was, and that Bugel deserved another year. Something along those lines, suggesting that Bugel was only bad because of Davis'interference.

I started an e-mail communication with him at the time, and wondered what it was, exactly, that made him so obviously despise Al Davis. He confessed to me that he had a 40 year old grudge, because he felt that Al had screwed a friend of his out of a share of the Raiders which made Al the managing general partner. Miller used to even call Al the worst owner in the league when they were winning Super Bowls on a fairly regular basis.

It's funny how Miller subsequently changed his tune about Gruden. That he was a great coach, Al was trying to take all of the credit for Gruden being a great coach, and that Gruden hated Davis and wanted to get away.

While this has often been the popular meme for many in the media, that position has never been corroborated by anybody - not Gruden, not Davis, not anybody having anything to do with the organization. Gruden and Davis both said that Gruden was leaving for the opportunity to coach in his home town, and Gruden praised Davis highly in his book. Davis still praises Gruden to this day.

5:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Arron Rogers???
Dude, I can run down to the car dealership and see if Jay Barker wants to play.

We got the "video game" arm comming on line shortly. And that's not just the power, it's the accuracy, touch, and decisionmaking as well.

Soon as Bubba Russ gets up in there we gonna be havin':
fried donk
grilled donk
donk flambe
deepfried donk
boiled donk
baked donk
smashed donk
.
.
.

5:08 PM  
Blogger BlandaRocked said...

Re above...

While I say this about Miller, he has been, over the years, a pretty decent sports writer with a very lengthy career. I have enjoyed, over the years, reading all of his articles, except the one's involving the Raiders. Which is what prompted me to ask him why he so loathes Davis.

5:10 PM  
Blogger nyraider said...

McCown may start (Pep injured). Yikes!

At this point in the season, how can McCown be a better choice at QB than Russell? This is a home game against a marginal Broncos team. If Culpepper can’t play, Russell should.

Next week, we play a much tougher Packers team (on the road), and our schedule doesn’t get any easier after that.

@ Packers
Colts
@ Jags
Chargers

Could it be any more obvious?

Russell! Russell! Russell!

7:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Blandarocked....Ira Miller is one of the WORST sports writers I have had the misfortune to read. He was the guy "never" picked for a pickup game....A dodgeball victim and has never gotten over it! He BLOWS and to say he has written well of other teams and not the Raiders......Says it all! His bias is spread throughout his writings. I cannot wait for him to exit bay area media.

10:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sure McLown's numbers have been abismal. But those are not all his fault.

Not saying I don't want to see JRuss, because there's nothing I would like to see more than Jruss come in, go 5-5 and actually win the west.

But I am saying you bastards don't need to be booing McLown just because we are down on the scoreboard and nobody can catch a pass.

That whole freakin' stadium just doesn't realize that booing when they are lining up for an offensive play is STUPID. Like THE STUPIDEST FANS IN AMERICA (Dirty Bill was a good O-line coach, but can't cut it as Head).
Boo him when he comes off the field, or even when he walks onto the field, but NOT when they are lining up for a play!!!!

Look, we were the first team to win a superbowl as a wildcard.
Why can't we be the first team to go 3-8 and end up winning the superbowl? (because we suck right now?).

Or atleast make the playoffs. That way Every year when someone is 3-8, they will always go "Remember JRuss and the Raiders!"

10:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK....You must be a season ticket holder....You must put down hard earned cash to watch Mclown throw short and wide ect. Look Pal, I will boooooo who I wish when I wish........I pay for the right to! Mcclown is NOT our "besr chance to win". Get over the Booing partner, Until you spend the money to sit your ass in a seat 10 times a season, shut the f**k up!

10:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I never said you didn't have the right to boo. I have the right to smear chit all over my walls, that doesn't mean I'm gonna do it.

I almost made a comment that someone was going to give me the "i paid for the right to boo".

But is that WHY you bought the tickets? No, you bought them to watch us win. Do you think that McLown is the ONLY one in the roster that hears the boos? Ever heard of the concept "12th man"?

Sereously, dude. I realize you have the right to boo. And never would I say you didn't or try to restrict that right.

All I'm saying is that with minor adjustments to your booing, you might be able to still get your message across, with less detrimental impact to the teams performance.

11:10 AM  
Blogger nyraider said...

I certainly don’t condone booing, and I’m not a season ticket holder, but your (anonymous) support of McCown is beyond my comprehension. Have we watched the same games? Please explain to me what McCown has done to resemble an NFL QB. And a few drop balls by the receivers does not an NFL QB make.

I predict if McCown is the starter Sunday, we will see Russell a lot sooner than if Culpepper starts... and it will have nothing to do with Russell. McCown's ineptitude will necessitate Russell's appearance by the second half.

If Culpepper starts: Raiders win 20-17 (matching last week's score).

If McCown starts and plays the entire game: Raiders lose 27-10.

If McCown starts and Russell plays the second half: Raiders lose 21-17, but fall just short with a late game rally by the big man himself.

12:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

11 guys go out there and line up, so that's who I'm defending.

Booing your own team as they are coming to the line of scrimmage is stupid. Is one's hatred and discust with the player more important that trying to help during a game? I've seen our crowd basically hand over the homefield advantage several times over the last 4 years.

And I might not be a season ticket holder, but I caugh up my $250 a year to DTV so I can watch the game (and review the tape). Atleast you guys have a bunch of other fans for support/comraderie.

It's supposed to be "Just win, Baby", not "Just win , Baby, unless we think you suck, in which case we don't even want you to try"

You need to be booing JRUSS and his agent. If he had been in camp, he'd be the starter by now.

Damn, I can't wait to see him play!

1:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That scenario sounds to much like Tui (late rallie falls short), hopefully he doesn't blow his knee out to.

How about this one:
McLown blows out his pinky in the 2nd quarter. (score is 3-0 Donks). Jruss comes in, raiders win 24-3.

1:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You could all just wear this t-shirt while your at it.
http://www.jinx.com/men/shirts/video_games/my_team_sucks.html?catid=4

1:37 PM  
Anonymous Gary said...

If McCown starts it signals to me that Kiffin is writing off this season and protecting Russell to prepare for the future.

As a coach this prolly makes sense... as a fan it kinda sucks ass.

Jesus he is a horrible QB. It's just no fun watching at all. Perhaps the running game will continue from its 6 week bye week slumber? The Bronco's ARE 29th in the league against the run. Hopefully we won't need a Qb.

BTW, if the keeping of JR on the bench for weanie armed McCown doesn't signal that Al is FAR from calling any shots, I don't know what does.

2:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I knew that turd would float to the surface. That dude's like an upper decker.

9:18 PM  
Anonymous Arkansan Raider said...

Pshyeah, he's about as appealing as "two girls one cup." Except that tgoc leaves you feeling more intelligent than his posts do.

---Jeff

9:24 PM  
Blogger PantyRaider said...

ShanaAss He! Ha!
QB never saw
Raider "D" Bar-b-Que....
Donkey on a skewer....

GOOOOOO Raiders........

PantyRaider....DonkeyFeast!!!!!

7:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Al, what are the finer things in life?"


"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of thier women".

8:09 AM  
Anonymous looneyraider said...

Ok Mr Take, I just have to say it. I'm just glad you were wrong with your prediction of going 0-6 this season against the division. That said, I enjoy your blog.

LooneyRaider

5:29 PM  

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