Thursday, May 11, 2006

1st Annual Paul McQuistan Haiku Fest

As you know, Raider Take is proud to be the official home of Oakland Raiders Haiku. In fact, I captured the entire 2005 season in haiku, from the soaring optimism of the season kickoff haiku to the dismal depths of the final game haiku.

While haiku is a centuries-old Japanese art form known for its delicate use of language, it has also proven ideal for succinctly capturing the Oakland Raiders ethos of long bombs, hard hits and outlaw ambiance. How can this be? Let's just say that some mysteries are best left unsolved.

Which (surprise!) somehow brings us back to Paul McQuistan.

Now, I must tell you that I tried not to write another Paul McQuistan take this week. I've been yapping about this guy ever since this take. I don’t want to become a one-trick pony. However, sometimes I must allow the rising tide to float the Raider Take boat, and this is one such instance. The outpouring of love for this big kid has been sudden and seismic. So let’s just call this week what it is: Paul McQuistan Week. He even got his own fan club. We can get back to regularly scheduled programming on Monday.

I don’t want to hear that Paul McQuistan hasn’t proven anything yet, and that he is therefore unworthy of such grassroots enthusiasm. The fact is that the enthusiasm exists, no matter how irrational you think it might be. Trying to rain on the Paul McQuistan parade is like arguing with Beatlemania or pet rocks. The Raider Nation is throwing a party on behalf of Paul McQuistan. Why? Who cares? Just pour me a beer and turn up the music.

On that note, and without further ado, Raider Take launches the 1st Annual Paul McQuistan Haiku Fest. If you would like to participate, just let it rip in the comments section. Haiku rookies are encouraged to attend the Raider Take Haiku Minicamp before taking the field. Now allow me to blow the whistle and get things started:

Flaming mullet: a
beacon of nasty, back to
glory he guides us.

So there you have it. Let the games begin, and may the best poet win.

P.S. Special thanks to AllyOop for the idea, and to Raider Nate and McQuistan Fan for greasing the poetic wheels…


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aaaah! I thought it was 5-7-5 in word, not syllable. My bad. so here we go....Complete with Titles

#1-I'll Take One McNasty, Please!
Defensive lineman
Charging like a raging bull
Crushed by McNasty

#2-The Trench War
Protect the QB
Make room for the running game
The Raider way wins

#3-McNasty Mystique
Unproven hero
With a cloud of excitement
Has Black Hole buzzing

6:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whoo hoo! The Paul McQuistan Haiku Fest has arrived! Here's my first submission:

Carrot top lineman
Freckled arms reaching forward
Whap! Right in the mouth

6:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

from mperkgod:
here's my lame haiku effort...

Titled: "Red Destruction"

Big and strong scary
Mullet so long he's hairy
Punish the defense

6:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's one entitled "McQ"

Smash-mouth, up the gut
Coach is watching, must do well
Down you go, we win.

6:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just as long as he doesn't get a whistle blown for unneccessary roughness, here is mine.

Whistle blows, play dead
Flailing fists still ravaging
Until face hits dirt.

7:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Protegé McQuiz
Al's approach he will embrace
My prediction? Pain

7:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This picture inspired a haiku moment for me: Paul McQuistan

Dreaming of glory,
he stretches on the green grass
of Oaktown. He's home.

7:53 AM  
Blogger frkyraider said...

my first ever haiku:


New big red manplow
with closed eyes i imagine
makes me smile inside

BTW, i am an o-line coach, lol. my haiku is from that perspective. our three big boys (shell, slater and eatman) have a brand new toy.

8:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

D-linemen beware
the red beast looms in the night
in silver and black

9:02 AM  
Blogger Doobie said...

Flame headed field ox
Plowing the painted green turf
Making grown men cry

9:04 AM  
Blogger Raider Take said...

The Raider Nation poets have been unleashed! Our haiku will strike fear into the quivering hearts of Denver, Kansas City and San Diego.

9:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Quick footed beef slab
Claret crowned, raging Raider
The new Wisniewski

9:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Raider Take said,
"The Raider Nation poets have been unleashed! Our haiku will strike fear into the quivering hearts of Denver, Kansas City and San Diego."
That's not in Haiku form! Ha, just kidding, master of this domain.

9:33 AM  
Blogger Doobie said...

Hey, if McQuistan turns out to be complete bust, will this poetry be used against us? If we were doing this ten years ago, there would probably be some pretty bad Matt Stinchcomb poetry floating around out there. LOL

9:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stinchcomb was stinky
Quixotic McQuistan ain't
I disagree, Doobie

9:39 AM  
Blogger Raider Take said...

Good point, Raider Nate, therefore:

Unleashed, haiku of
the Nation; shivers and shakes
the AFC West.

Doobie, that's a very scary thought. We must rely on McQuistan to fulfill our prophecy.

However, we must also remember that haiku is always in the moment. It is neither opinion nor reporting, but rather the fleeting emotion of the now.

If McQuistan bombs and some Charger fan starts digging up our old haiku, we'll just beat him down with more haiku (and three Lombardi trophies).

9:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To Kerry:

Stonefeeted Collins
Unemployed, sitting on couch
The CFL calls

9:51 AM  
Blogger Raider Take said...

This just in from Horscollarjack via email:

Raider Nation shows
it's not just brawn and muscle!
We wax poetic.

10:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, hey
I'm not done
This Haiku Fest
Has just begun

Count them out
Five, seven, five
Write a poem
Keep it alive

Here I go
Pour some grog
Another haiku
Hits the blog: (LOL!)

White goal line beckons
Crouched in the trenches, he waits
Follow the Scotsman

10:19 AM  
Blogger Raider Take said...

AllyOop is on fire! Anonymous rolls in with an unauthorized but brilliant KFC haiku...C2X breaks out some haiku profanity!

This is close to getting out of hand...Which is the goal, of course.

10:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From the hills arisen--
McQuistan! Lord of the Line,
Bestriding the West

10:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#4-Mischievious Grin
Pummelled to the ground
Another d-lineman weeps
Makes McNasty smile

10:36 AM  
Blogger Raider Take said...

"Bestriding the West!" Now it's definitely out of hand!

Anonymous (all of you), please, if possible, create you own handle (choose "Other" under comment box) so that we can distinguish you and give you individual credit when we create the Paul McQuistan haiku wrap-up.

10:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lurking red brute, cold.
Denver, KC, SD soon--
All will grovel, humbled.

10:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Big Paul

hitting and driving,
silver and black pounds again,
walls topple backward

10:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From the third round came-
Fiery warrior, obscure.
Brutal dominance.

previously anonymous for a few... sorry about the Kerry interlude :)

10:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#5-Ode to McQuistan
Red mullet machine
Brings the lineman to their knees

10:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mullet maned war god-
Scorched fury of the Midwest.
Defense falls, wheat-like.

11:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yikes! This is crazy. I vote for ally's 'white goal line beckons' with a close second to anon who went off the board with KFC...

11:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#6-Old Meets New
Raider glory days
Have been missing for awhile
Reappear with Shell

Tough, mean, playing hard
Silver and Black attacks strong
Crushing opponents

Hoist the Lombardi
Loyal fans have longed for it
"Old School" Excellence!

11:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You shall know his name-
McQuistan! blood-red Raider.
I pity your fate.

11:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#7-Shell's Coaching, McNasty's Leadership
Describing the o-line's play
Brings us number 4!

12:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#8-Ode to McQuistan Part Deux
Pride of Weber State
Under the guidance of Shell
Future Hall of Fame?

12:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#9-Art Shell's Speech to O-line
"If you want to win
Punish your opposition
With your strength and speed."

1:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#10-McNasty's Commitment
"I am committed
To nothing but excellence
And smash mouth football."

1:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Art Shell and McQ
Two bad motherf*ckers, yo
Sunday ass whippings

1:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#11-McNasty's Trash Talk
From Deliverance
"Get ready toBite the wood,
And squeal like a pig"

2:00 PM  
Blogger Calico Jack said...

My tartan haiku edition;

Big Seventy Nine
Cheers To Braveheart McNasty
Our Red Son Rising

2:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shanahan, Marty,
and Herm: lemme show ya all
what's under my kilt

3:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Unleashed the Pirate
Red fire has spread through out
McNasty strikes fear

3:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bloodied knuckles and in a rage
His long hair flows of red fire
He looks deep within, unleashes the pirate
To be victorious is his desire

Sweat streams down his battered face,
As he attacks with fury and eruption
Ball is hiked, voices scream
His war helmet has left signs of complete destruction

As his heart pounds and he zeros in, he hears nothing but utter silence
He digs deep, lets out a roar and then a display of mass violence
Over powering, drive and desire our leader shows intelligence
He wants championships, to just win baby and he is committed to excellence

Whistle blows, bodies lay motionless, for they have just been gored
He displays his patch, his hooded sash, and the damage of his two swords
He has taken his opponents sole, all is lost and all is down
The red warrior put us on his back, gave us victory now give him his crown !

4:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Helmets crash, bones break,
Line led by Quiz destroys foes,
Raiders stand alone...

4:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

he follows legends
Shell, wiz, others from the past
Destined for greatness

6:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The foe in front of you
Defeat him
Born to be a Raider

8:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bronco Linebacker
Chalk outline on Black Hole Field
Mulleted Slayer

8:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

March yer defense off
This field ye may live; or
Fight and you will die

8:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great Job.......RT! No place else in the NFL is the Haiku used...........A sporting first! Great job Scean.

Red Beast Bruiser
Fear in their eyes
Jordon scores....Ahhhhh..........

9:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#12-McNasty Mystique Part Deux
The Legend begins
Raider fan hopes he reaches

#13-Barbarian Raider
He came to conquer
The sound of helmets crushing
Defense lies in waste

No one will survive
McQuistan Barbarian
Destroyed with one blow

He came and conquered
Stands alone at seasons end
All hail the victor

5:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#14-Last Rights
"Opposing defense,
Hail the victorious dead!"
McQuistan snickers

#15-McNasty's Motto
To defensive foes
If at first you don't succeed
Come be smashed again.

6:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#16-Raider Nate's Last
I am done with this
I cannot do one more line
Of McQ Haiku

6:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Big red PO'd guard
leaving silver helmet marks
one for each freckle.

(previous entry as anon.: Protegé McQuiz...)

7:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Collapse my pocket?
You'll soon be on your losing knees
Neath my silver kilt

7:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Divided from two
Our McQuistan stands alone
Adorned with haiku

8:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


From the land of Scots
New defender of the Faith
Go forth and Conquer

8:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

On the Autumn wind
he was borne, to defend the:
raidernation way

8:23 AM  
Blogger StickUm25 said...

Helmet fire flying
Bolt, Chief, Donkey laid to waste
Endzone path secure

8:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Blazing mullet streaks--
Pile loitering defender falls.
Orphaned children wail.

10:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Big Red
punches trough
chef DE, mouls over
the donks. Big Bad Red.

11:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Behind The Mask Lies
A Beast Waiting To Break Through
Only Time Will Tell

2:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Team of the Decades

Shell, Wiz, Quiz...
A hole opens.
A new generation scores.

8:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Harvester of Souls
His eyes burn Red with Venom
You will feel his Wrath

1:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

His Battle-cry sounds
Death, to those who oppose us!
Let the war begin

1:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Title- O'Doyle Lookalike

My dear McNasty
After mowing someone down
Shout, "O'Doyle Rules!"

3:19 PM  

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