Wednesday, February 01, 2006

A History Lesson

Raider Take’s favorite columnist is going to curse our team. Last time we heard from him, he was anointing Al Saunders as head coach of the Raiders. We know how that turned out. In fact, his own paper revealed two days later that Al Saunders was not even close to being offered the job. Now he’s jabbering about Ken Whisenhunt. I hope that doesn’t ruin our chances.

In his latest piece, our columnist rhetorically asks why Whisenhunt would want the Raiders job. Here’s how he frames Whisenhunt’s reply: "'They’ve been successful,' he (Whisenhunt) said, turning into the History Channel.”

Thus, Raider Take is inspired to publish the following history lesson for confused local columnists:

2000 – The Oakland Raiders win the AFC West and advance to the AFC Championships, where Tony Siragusa illegally turns Rich Gannon into a recliner. Man discovers fire.

2001 – The Oakland Raiders win the AFC West and get robbed by zebras in New England. The light bulb is invented.

2002 – The Oakland Raiders win the AFC West and advance to the Super Bowl. The telephone becomes a household item, enabling anyone to reach out and check their facts (if they want to).


Blogger Doobie said...

Well that explains everything. If the TV wasn't invented at that point, all he'd have seen was the last three poor seasons.

1:17 PM  
Blogger Raider Take said...

Hah, excellent!

1:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hilarious. in the world of ray ratto, coaching in oakland is worse than detroit and arizona, who haven't been good since ... when was sliced bread invented?

and don't forget new orleans, where the owner enjoys such great relations with the people of louisiana. there are also some deals on beachfront property.

if he has nothing else to write about, then maybe he should find a new job.

1:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here is the key phrase which lets us know Ray The Rat is once again as clueless as a eunuch at The Chicken Ranch:

"Thus, the conundrum, especially for Whisenhunt. The Raiders' is the only job left, but it is also generally perceived as the worst job, even when it is filled."

Is it really ‘a conundrum’…or didn’t your elementary school teachers learn you that a sentence needs a verb, even if you do use a $5 word like 'conundrum' in it, Ray?

Is it really the general consensus, Ray? Or is it just your own warped perception, clouded by huffing airplane glue or whatever brain dissolving substance you do for recreation, Ray?

The concensus would be coaching the illustrious New Orleans Saints job has gotta be the worst coaching gig ever.

First, they have a history of fans wearing paper bags over their heads so as not to be identified as fans at the games. They call themselves "The Ain'ts", Ray.

Second, after the hurricane, no one seems to know where the Saints will play, Ray. Last I heard it might be Okalahoma City...didn't they get bombed a few years ago there, Ray? The Saints have no home games, Ray.

Third, the Saints are just one of the many NFL teams who have NEVER even appeared in a Super Bowl, much less five times, Ray. I won't bother to list all these teams, it'll give your lazy @rse something to do to look it up, Ray.

Let's just say one of the teams in the Super Bowl this weekend--the Seahawks--is one of those fine teams who have never even been there before, much less won it, Ray.

And the team who plays in Detroit when the Super Bowl isn't being played there...the Lions??? Their most famous coach is Wayne Fontes. How's that for a coaching legacy, Ray?
Do you really believe Whisenhunt would rather coach in Oklahoma City, or Detroit, or Phoenix, or... nevermind…why bother to confuse you with facts, Ray?

You played yourself, Ray.

7:55 AM  
Blogger Calico Jack said...

Ray the Rat has a very selective and time warped memory. It also wasn't suprising that Ratto didn't include in his piece this Whiz quote from the SBXL press conference, (in reference to the Raiders HC vacancy) "Nobody has contacted me. I'm honored that my name has been mentioned".

Let's see. Did Ray the Rat ever figure that Whiz might be honored to be considered for the HC vacancy of a team that was successful a few short years ago but also has a rich and proud history that includes articipating in 5 superbowls and winning 3.

Does Ray the Rat seriously believe that Whiz, an AFC coach, wouldn't notice the Raiders success in the 2000, 2001, 2002 seasons since it is such "ancient" history.

8:17 AM  
Blogger Raider Take said...

Wow, I'm glad I'm not on the receiving end of these blistering takes!

Thanks for the love, Tommy NY Raider.

12:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In case you didn't notice, Ray, I don't call you "Mr. Ratto", Ray.


2:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

RT--speaking of history lessons, I hope you not only saw ABC's piece on Jack Tatum yesterday, but are planning to reply. While it was fun to see extensive footage of Tate jacking people up [pun intended], the not-so-thinly-veiled suggestion that he intended to cripple Stingley was a complete disgrace. Was he trying to inflict pain? yes Get him out of the game? yes. Cripple him? Get real. Andrea Kremer and her prodcuers should be ashamed.

Some SB comments:
1] Coach Whiz didn't do anything to show me he shouldn't be the next Raiders coach. Was a little conservative but he probably realized Seattle was handing over the game and reined it in. The two bootleg calls were great although I think the last one [3rd and 2 late fourth] was a run to Bettis that Roethlisberger just took on his own
2] Seattle's level of preparation was awful, i.e, special teams had penalties on every return, defense looked surprised when Steelers ran reverse-pass on first down near midfield [obviously the Steelers game tapes never made it to Seattle]
3]Was Norv in the booth managing the clock at the end of each half? Yikes!

6:01 AM  
Blogger Raider Take said...

Thanks for the new comments, LK...I didn't see the Tatum piece, sounds like a typical anti-Raiders spin job.

I've got my gloat machine oiled and ready if we get Whisenhunt!

I was thinking the exact same thing with the Seahawks clock management. It was like a Norv flashback. In the final minute, when their guy dropped the 5-yard out to the sideline, I said, jeez, they're lucky he dropped that, what an awful call in that situation...Then they go and throw another inbounds short out! Game over. Too bad for Norv Holmgren.

11:03 AM  
Blogger Doobie said...

After seeing what Randle El has been doing, you know that "simlarly resuméd" ex-QB Ronald Curry has to be pulling for Whisenhunt, especially if it means more involvement in the offense.

On a separate note, did anyone see this about a possible MySpace profile by Andrew Walter?

4:05 PM  
Blogger Calico Jack said...

If Whiz is hired to lead the Silver and Black, it will be a breath of fresh air to have a HC who will use more of the bullets in the offense's holster such as;
1) A TE as a major weaapon
2) Spread offense; 4 WR sets
3) The ocassional gadget play
4) A committed power running game

Doobie: "Curry to Moss, Touchdown!" would be sweet music to my ears. I am hopeful that Curry can come back from his achilles injury.

8:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now for something completely different--Art Shell is back as a HC candidate:

7:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Papers today saying its between Whiz, Shell and [gag] Fassel [the man who brought you KFC rev 1.0]. Liking Whiz alot; think we can win with Art. Fassel? No.

8:40 AM  

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