Sunday, November 23, 2008

Early Take: Raiders v. Broncos

Please tell me we didn't run Fargas AGAIN to the right after that lucky break of a timeout that allowed another shot at the goal line. Surely I was hallucinating. We didn't do that, did we? 

Haltime Take: The good news is that we are winning. The bad news is that we've now gone 15 straight quarters without an offensive touchdown. Isn't that some sort of record? And if we don't cut down on the penalties, showboating and "basic Cable" playcalling in the red zone, we will lose this game. Time to play like men, Oakland Raiders. 

Third Quarter Take: Hallelujah! Hooray! We scored an offensive touchdown. Not surprisingly, it wasn't a "basic Cable" call of Fargas up the middle. 

Fourth Quarter Take: How awesome is this!? Real NFL football, against the Broncos no less. Didn't like how we went into the half in terms of penalties and playcalling, but it looks like a new team in the second half. 

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Miami Vice: Crimes Against Football

No one, including you, is surprised that the Dolphins marched down the field in the final minutes for the winning score.
The Raiders have not scored an offensive touchdown in more than 13 consecutive quarters and more than 195 straight minutes of gameplay. Surely we must be on the verge of setting some sort of record?
When you're on your last snap with 13 seconds and no timeouts remaining, with a quarterback who can launch the ball 70+ yards, why do you throw a 15-yard pass across the middle instead of a Hail Mary? Isn't the object to score before time runs out? Why not just fall on the ball and let time run out if you're going to play that way?

Monday, November 10, 2008

Raiders Fan Protest Haiku Fest

Saints fans wore their brown papers bags, Lions fans conducted their Millen Man March, and now I think it’s high time that the Raider Nation staged its own act of creative civil disobedience—the Raiders Fan Protest Haiku Fest.

Two weeks ago,
I made my case about the state of the Oakland Raiders. Beyond that, I’m really at a loss for analytical words. I’ve exhausted every superlative to describe the downward spiral that now has us on the verge of making NFL history for most consecutive seasons with 11 or more losses.

Since the Raiders have become pathetic to the point of being poetic, however, I figured it might be therapeutic for us confront our inner angst and express our feelings through the ancient art form of haiku.

As many of you know, Raider Take has been the world headquarters for Raiders haiku since 2005, so I expect a good turnout. Allow me to kick things off…


Al broke his piggy
bank, Hall went to ‘Skins, Javon
to Vegas; now what?


Today I saw a
ghost, Walter sacked, fumbles, here
comes Tui, hooray!


Bring back the good old
days—Norv and Kerry racking
up five victories!

P.S. Click
here for a crash course in haiku, but also know that limericks, sonnets and other forms of creative expression are also welcome.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Offensive Juggernaut - Not! Haiku

Sixteen points scored in
last twelve quarters, good thing we
fired Lane Kiffin.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

The Fall of Hall? is reporting that the Raiders are prepared to release DeAngelo Hall. If Hall is released, he will have been paid $8 million for eight games. The Raiders also gave the Falcons a second-round pick for Hall. As if a second-round pick wasn't enough, the Falcons also got the pleasure of torching Hall during last Sunday's historic rout in Oakland.
If the report is true, then Hall may be getting the early retirement that he recently revealed had been on his mind. Since he's already essentially been on vacation for 60 minutes each Sunday this fall, retirement wouldn't be a big leap in lifestyle.
If Hall wants to stay on board and collect his remaining $16 million, we know he'll bypass Tom Cable and instead appeal to a higher power. After all, it was Hall who recently gave us the following gem: "We answer to Al. Al knows us personally. It's nice when you have that personal relationship with the owner as opposed to trying to kiss up to every head coach who comes in."

Sunday, November 02, 2008

77 Total Yards Haiku

I went to a pro
football game, but didn't see
one; please refund me.